Photo Prompt: (C) Ted Strutz
Patrick was a hoarder.
“Never can tell when something could come in handy,” he would say, scratching his chin and grinning. “They call it upcycling now.”
Rubbish, other people called it.
But the heaps grew. What happened was inevitable. They emerged, composed at first entirely of sound, not substance. In drifts of old papers and precarious castles of rust they rustled and scampered. Moving inexorable, always along the edges of sleep, always on the borders of consciousness, they came. Patrick knew now just that embarrassment God must have felt, noticing the first stirrings in some untidy little swamp.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find it here.
Neil MacDonald Author 
Oh this is wonderful! Great description of the place, and by default him, and we know exactly what you’re talking about without you saying it. And then the last line – very clever.
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Thanks Claire, I’m glad you liked it
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Graphically portrayed, sir.
Excellent.
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Brilliantly descriptive.
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Well thanks. Any criticism with the word “brilliant” in it is always welcome
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Excellent!
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Dear Neil,
interesting comparison and wonderfully vivid descriptions. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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What a great character piece! Love the descriptions.
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I’m really glad the character came through. It’s hard in 100 words
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That was so descriptive, I want to get out of there… not a fan of scurrying creatures!
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Nor was Patrick. I think he was quite alarmed
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Shudder
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composed at first entirely of sound – this sets such a creepy president. Nicely done.
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Thanks alicia. If you’ve ever been infested by mice you’ll know that sensation
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The embarrassment God must have felt…and must still feel!
Intriguing portrait of a hoarder and his hoard.
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Very nice, and so many excellent descriptions I can’t pick a favourite!
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Brrr! Great piece. OK, I’ll say brilliant and make you smile. I savored “always along the edges of sleep, always on the borders of consciousness,” Bravo.
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Savouring is even better than brilliant. Thank you
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I try to find the beauty in everything with my camera. You have done so today, with your words.
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That’s a lovely compliment. Thank you
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Great descriptions. Nicely done.
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We had a naighbour who hoarded. It ook two men a week to clear her house and we all wondered what might emerge from the depths.
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Great descriptions and a very clever last line. I really enjoyed this.
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I worried the last line might be a tad blasphemous for some. Thanks for the appreciation, Thom
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“…that embarrassment God must have felt, noticing the first stirrings in some untidy little swamp.” Now there’s a way to view humanity. Interesting metaphor.
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This is a beautiful, understated story. I love how you convey the infestation — coming in sound, creeping in at the edges of sleep. A very vivid world is created, so quickly — Patrick’s character included. And your final line makes that world infinite and inclusive — here we all are, scurrying. Lovely.
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I hadn’t seen it quite that way, but now you point it out, you’re right. Thanks
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I love the last line. I like all of the story, the description, the way realization sinks in… but the last line really ties it up. We better hope no one sends the exterminator to the planet.
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