Waiting is the mother of change. Zami reached to scratch his beard but touched new-shaven flesh. Change, he nodded. No longer bearded – no longer Zami, in fact. After testifying against Rashid, he could return to being Vince. At least until he was re-assigned. He shifted in the seat, the wood aching his buttocks. These benches asserted the court’s grandeur, offering little comfort.
The swing doors opened and Zami’s heart lurched. Ayesha was here to support her brother. Darling Ayesha. Her glare poisonous, she pointedly sat on the other end of the room. Never again! Zami slumped and resumed waiting.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find it here.
So much told in so few words. A betrayal, a second betrayal, flavoured with regret and all in the name of an ‘assignment’. I expect it’s a scene that gets played out many times with ‘special’ agents. Nicely done.
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Thank you, Sandra
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As Sandra says, you packed a whole lot in here, Neil.
It works for me.
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Thanks so much
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Dear Neil,
Alas where human emotion is involved, an assignment is liable to grow into something else. Well layered and packed with backstory–hard to pull off in a hundred words. Good job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you so much, Rochelle. It was an experiment. I’m glad you think it worked
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You have packed so much story into so few words. Well done!
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Thanks so much, Thom
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Nicely done, so much story in just 100 words.
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Thank you. I worried I’d packed in too much backstory
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What a picture of realities of life!
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Terrorism! Betrayal! A lot here in a hundred words.
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Thanks. I’m glad it worked for you
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I have to say this is impressive, betrayal or being the good citizen… there is a high price on being a witness… I really like the double edge in this.
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Zami/Vince believes he’s being a good citizen. But then he would, wouldn’t he?
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Hi, Neil—
Hey, no spoilers for those of us following the saga of Vince/Zami and Ayesha!
Best,
Paula
On Wed, May 18, 2016 at 1:24 AM, Neil MacDonald Author wrote:
> neilmacdon posted: ” Waiting is the mother of change. Zami reached to > scratch his beard but touched new-shaven flesh. Change, he nodded. No > longer bearded – no longer Zami, in fact. After testifying against Rashid, > he could return to being Vince. At least until he was re-a” >
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Sorry Paula. If it helps, this is not the ending of the book, and indeed this scene isn’t in the book
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Layer on layer on layer and not one ramble of boredom. You NAILED it, Neil!
Still shaking my head in disbelief. You had people all over the place and they all came together beautifully. Wonderful!
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Thank you so much
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Waiting is the mother of change–that’s a great phrase, very thought-provoking. This is such an interesting snippet of a hopefully much longer story (or so I gather from the comments). Who betrays whom, and is it worth it?
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These are characters from a novel I’m writing
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Oh, that flick between identities – the pain he’s left behind by doing the right thing. It’s a tough one. Well visualised, Neil – and it does look like a court waiting room, doesn’t it? I thought so too. Great story, full of pain
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I don’t think Ayesha believes he’s done the right thing. She thought he was her Zami. I doubt she’ll ever forgive him. But his wife and children will be glad to see him home for a while
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Oh, leading a double life – destructive for all concerned. Not least the man himself! Poor Ayesha is collateral damage in a bigger picture, it seems.
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Vince has paid a high price in securing that particular conviction. Your last line showed both the burden of his role and his acceptance of it very well – ‘slumped and resumed waiting.’ A lot of story in 100 words.
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Thanks so much, Siobhan
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Everyone’s said it for me. So much packed in and deep emotions explored brilliantly
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Thanks, Mick
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There are such complex layers here, Neil. Wonderfully told!
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Thanks so much, Dawn
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Interesting story. Well done and convincing.
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Wow. So much said in so few words. So many question raised as well… What kind of assignment and how did he allow his heart to get involved?
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Sadly Zami/Vince is a weak man. Romantic involvement with surveillance subjects is against standing orders, but, as we now know, not uncommon
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Interesting characters. Wonder what will happen next. Well done story – a lot packed in 100 words.
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Thanks, asumani
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the end was unexpected, well written
http://obliqview.blogspot.in/2016/05/waitingroom-prompt-j-hardycarroll-there.html
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Thanks so much
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A packed story full of details and still incorporating the environment and setting of the prompt. Nicely done and not easy to do.
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Thanks, Amy
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I agree with everyone, so much intrigue in so few words
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Thanks so much
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Oh…yes, a bit hard to fall in love in that line of work.
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You pulled me right in there with the characters, Neil. Amazing. What fertile ground for a story – the tangled web of relationships that must be everyday experience for people in Vince’s profession.
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It gets worse. Zami/Vince is entangled with Don Vincent, a Catholic student in Moorish Spain
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Sounds like this drama might have taken place in India where we are. Trials are often known to take years here. Lawyers are often not liked. Sounds like some government intrigue coming to a close. I hope the agent gets out in one piece. Well written, Neil. —- Suzanne
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Thanks, Suzanne. Interesting that despite his betrayals your sympathy is with the agent
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