When I confess to the bad thing, the very bad thing, you don’t cry out or scream. You don’t reject me with a surge of anger.
You just go very still, as if the world has stopped. As if you have to be very careful not to shatter.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here
Neil MacDonald Author 
Dear Neil,
The insanity and sinister intent come through loud and clear. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
PS I’d say in well under 100 words. 😉
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Thanks Rochelle. It’s 48 words
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Excellent! More words would have spoiled it.
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I’m glad you think so, Sandra. I agree about the brevity
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I agree with Sandra. Just enough words to get the point across loud and clear.
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Thanks so much, Alicia
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Superbly concise and yet emotionally complete.
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What a lovely comment. Thanks so much, Penny
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Incredible how much you have conveyed in so few words. Superbly done, Neil.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Wow! Thanks so much, Susan
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Silence and stillness can be a very powerful show of emotion. Nicely done Neil.
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That’s what I was aiming for. Thanks so much Iain
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Exactly my thought!
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Scary. It reminds me of the kid in the Twilight Zone “It’s a Good Life.” The idea of “a bad thing” can be really ominous, since it’s often in the eye of the beholder.
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Thanks so much, Joshua
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Gulp! I have to agree with the others–the brevity works beautifully. Terrifying little piece.
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Thanks so much!
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This is so powerful I was relieved when it finished so abruptly.
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Thanks so much. Sorry about the elevated blood pressure
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A perfect example of less being more.Really chilling.
Click to read my FriFic tale!
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Thanks so much, Keith
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Ye gods! What on earth has he done?
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We may never know
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So much emotion packed into forty-eight words. Amazing!
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Thanks so much, Brenda
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So, SO good, Neil. Not one extra word was needed.
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Thanks so so much, Dale
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I would both shudder and shatter… so sinister.
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Thanks so much, Bjorn
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The bad. . .VERY bad thing. . . .what a great hook! Now, where’s the rest?
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I didn’t think it needed any more
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No, not for FF. It was perfect. But there’s GOT to be a really good story there, a much longer one 🙂
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I think you already wrote the longer story in your head
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This was chilling in so very few words.
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Thanks so much, Stu
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In just a few words, you have said so much…kudos!
Silence speaks volume…just need to have a knack for hearing it…well described.
https://evergreenleaf.blogspot.com/2019/02/home.html
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Thanks so much
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One is most likely in shock depending on the confession. I think screaming is better than silence.
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Yes, she’s in shock
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WOW! I hadn’t checked the comments yet, and counted… such power in 48 words; it’s brilliant Neil! Each word packs a punch, and leaves me wanting more, questioning what and how. Wow. I love that there’s no gore or detail, just the insinuation of something very dark. Again, wow. LOVE this.
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Wow! Thanks so much, Dawn
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Seriously, Love. This.
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I can understand being stunned into stillness, trying to understand the gravity of the situation.
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Excellent
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I get a sensation of shock, almost like it’s not real if you keep quiet and don’t move. Nice one!
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Thanks so much
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I can feel the tension of this moment for both parties. Good write! 🙂
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Thanks so much
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Neil. This is so very well done. You leave the reader wanting more. Also, with the feeling that once everything settles and is completely understood there will be very bad consequences.
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Very very bad consequences
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Sometimes it’s better to withdraw into your shell.
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Sometimes it’s all you can do
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Whoa short sharp and with bite. Great piece. Very disturbing
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Thanks, Laurie, Disturbing is good
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A powerful story – intensified by its brevity. Well done.
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Thanks so much
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Sharp and to the point, a powerful silent chiller of a story.
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Thanks so much, Michael
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A study in word choice. I love “shatter”.
To me, this was the moment in which he confessed his infidelity. What could be more dumbfounding, to a woman in love?
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It could be. But what that be a really bad thing?
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Now the Rolling Stones song “Shattered” is stuck in my brain…:)
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OK … short and sweet. Well … maybe not sweet but certainly frozen with shock.
I’m so impressed with the 48 words you wrote to get this point across. WOW … nicely done, Neil.
Hev a great weekend …
Isadora 😎
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Thanks so much, Isadora
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Very sinister piece. So much packed in.
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Thanks so much, Lisa
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Ooooo. That very bad thing must be so terrible that she can’t react. Perfectly done, Neil.
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Thanks so much, Sascha
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🙂
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Wow. This sure has impact. A great achievement, to get so much story into those few words. I’m in awe.
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That’s very kind. Thanks so much, Margaret
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A very creative piece setting the scene so easily, May
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Thanks so much
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After reading this, I’m afraid to move. You’ve certainly made me wonder what that bad thing could be.
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Thanks so much, Magarisa. I can only tell you it’s very very bad
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Ominous
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Just a little
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Not speaking things you know are there is a lot more terrifying than explaining every detail. Excellent.
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Thanks so much
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Superb writing skills on display here. I agree with all others__ any one word more and it wold have spoiled the effect. And yes, i was greatly relieved when it ended.
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Thanks so much Neel. Sometimes less is more
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Succinct and perfectly formed. Nice one Neil
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Thanks so much, Michael
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