“It’s in the wrong place,” he screamed.
Seaweed draped the foreshore like a bad comb-over. I could see this wasn’t pretty, but it skewered Anton’s brain. Once, when we’d taken up kitchen floor, and he glimpsed the terrible truth of soil beneath the house, he’d bawled that way.
“Just storm waves,” I explained.
But we had to labour all morning, returning every strand to its home in the water before he’d calm.
.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here
Neil MacDonald Author 
A bad comb-over… Fantastic description.
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Thanks, Tannille. I was pleased with that metaphor
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Jings, Anton has a real problem!
Expertly crafted, Neil
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Thanks so much
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Love the comb over, Neil. And poor Anton, and much sympathy for the poor narrator, since despite the unrealistic nature of the request it has to be granted for everyone’s peace of mind.
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Thanks so much, Jilly. If dirt is just matter out of place, perhaps an unrealistic request is just a concept out of place
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Dear Neil,
Bad combover made me laugh. Anton’s just a little OCD, isn’t he?
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Anton has issues
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The bad comb-over is priceless. And Anton needs to chill.
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He’ll be fine when the seaweed is back where it belongs
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Autism? Excellent story, Neil. And I just loved the line: Seaweed draped the foreshore like a bad comb-over. Well done.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks so much, Susan
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Love the bad comb-over analogy. And, I can see the sensitive soul of this character. I’ve cared for children that insisted on having funerals for dead houseflies. Insane as it is, these souls are so precious. They care for life, just for the sake of that life…. what it would be if we all cared as much just for human life, eh?
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Thanks so much, Bear
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LOL for the priceless bad comb-over. Also he sounds a bit on the specrum-ish side …
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He doesn’t care for matter out of place
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Seems like it … Well, at least one can be sure it’ll all be neat around him … 😉
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Autism, perhaps? Things need to stay exactly where they belong.
I read your new book this past week. Genius piece of writing! “The Tears of Boabdil” had me running to keep up until I figured out what was going on. Beautiful blend of reality/myth/psychosis. I loved it.
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Thanks so much, LInda. And thanks so much for buying and appreciating my book
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would you consider reviewing the book on Goodreads and Amazon?
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Sure. Do I just go to their websites?
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Thanks so much, LInda.
The Goodreads address is https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55481724-the-tears-of-boabdil
The Amazon US address is https://www.amazon.com/THETEARSOFBOABDIL/dp/180046018X/
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I’ll take care of that later today. Thanks for the links.
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You’re a star
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Reviews are done. I understand it may take a couple of days while they review my review 🙂 I used the same post for both sites, as I couldn’t think of anything different to say!
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That’s wonderful. Thanks so much, LInda
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The simile is great. That poor child and his mother – autism, perhaps?
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Thanks so much, Lizy
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Autism shrieks sometimes.
what a true picture
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Thanks so much
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Poor Anton; he obviously feels things deeply. Thank you for the bad comb-over, what an image.
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Thanks so much
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I can see how storm damage would affect someone with those sort of issues.
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Rearranges everything
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Maybe a direct connection to the sea-god? Well done
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Thanks so much, Joshua
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Gosh, Anton would be hard to live with. He must be much loved, though, as those around him restored the seaweed to its proper place.
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He is a bit fussy
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Just like everybody else, I love the comb-over analogy. Brilliant! I agree with Anton. A place for everything and everything in its place. I have been accused of being OCD and maybe a little autistic.
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Thanks so much
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Methinks Anton is on the spectrum… the comb-over… so good.
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Folks like Anton, perhaps suffering with autism, demand a lot of patience, and the narrator’s ability to give it is heartening.
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Thanks, Dora
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it looks like he’s a neat freak. must be hard to deal with somebody like that. 🙂
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Just a little
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Loved the bad comb-over. It’s tough dealing with someone on the spectrum. Very well done.
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Thanks so much
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You’d need a lot of patience with someone like Anton, I’m glad your narrator seems to have it.
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Inexhuastible supplies
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Seems quite messy.
Agree that things should be in their place & not out of place.
Once dirt is in its place, all is well 🙂
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So long as we can agree where everything’s place is
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You need the patience of a saint. Well done Niel.
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Thanks, Keith
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So happy to be back reading all the stories…wonderful take!
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Thanks so much
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It may be a bit difficult to keep things tidy if there’s another storm.
Me thinks, there will be more. Have a great day … Be Safe
Isadora 😎
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The great battle against the forces of disorder is a continuing process
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It’s a never ending battle in more ways than one. Have a wonderful weekend … Isadora😎
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Great piece. I love the phrase “he glimpsed the terrible truth of soil beneath the house.”
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Thanks so much
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Great start: “Seaweed draped the foreshore like a bad comb-over.” I can understand the poor kid’s anguish regarding the phobia under the floorboards. Guessing it was seething with wigglies!
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Thanks so much, Jade
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You’re most welcome.
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Just love the comb-over line.
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Thanks so much, Rob
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Oh dear. Poor thing. Once an idea is buried in the brain… gotta fix it. Good friend looking out for Anton
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Ideas are like that. They bore into your brain
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Indeed
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Anton’s condition is hard work, lots of patience and understanding needed here. I’m pleased everything is back in it’s proper place and the status quo has resumed.
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But he’s a lovely boy really
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Ouch. Returning every strand seems like a lot of hard work.
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A labour of love
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“I could see this wasn’t pretty, but it skewered Anton’s brain.” Poor Anton and whoever has to put everything in order for him.
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That’s what we do for each other
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Your first line is outstanding.
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Thanks so much
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