
I was cooking breakfast, bacon sizzling in the pan, when they called to tell me you were dead. Had been dead for four years. Perhaps murdered. The gears of time slip, and the past crashes into today with the force of a motorway pile-up. Events concertina, throwing up mountain ranges and dredging shadowed valleys.
If only I hadn’t. Or you didn’t. I search the Internet for four-year-old details. A marriage gone wrong. A property dispute. A failed police investigation. The news runs out as attention shifted.
The bacon starts to crisp and burn. I serve-up just in time.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here.
Great phrases and language and images in this. Well done.
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Thanks, Iain
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I do like crispy bacon.🙂
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But not burned
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Dear Neil,
A lot of unanswered questions. Atmospheric, well done and left me wanting to know more.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Interesting. Did he receive the phone call four years later or does the act of frying bacon remind him of the phone call four years earlier?
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No, he received the call four years later
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Why so long?
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Maybe he was lost. Maybe nobody knew until that moment
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Really takes you there. Well done.
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Thanks so much
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What Iain said, great use of language and an intriguing story.
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Thanks so much
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“The gears of time slip, and the past crashes into today” Fabulous!
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Thanks so much
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Oh my, you got me with this one. I lost a very good friend last year, heard about it months after she had passed away. A stupid argument and stubbornness on both sides and we didn’t talk anymore. And then all of a sudden it was too late.
Great take on the prompt -as always.
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Thanks so much
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Me too. Luckily her family kept me informed and I was able to attend her funeral but sill… so many years wasted over something I’ll never get the answer to.
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I love the language, the voice and the shifts in time (and crispy bacon of course)
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Thanks, Graham
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Bacon makes everything better.
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Indeed it does
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The language in this sings!
The gears of time slip, and the past crashes into today with the force of a motorway pile-up. Events concertina, throwing up mountain ranges and dredging shadowed valleys.
So much “sound” in this while I imagine that the one receiving the news is going all blank. Hope this makes sense.
LOVE your submission this week.
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Such a beautiful language. But this part “If only I hadn’t. Or you didn’t.”…it is everything.
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Thanks so much
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Love the imagery. And I’m glad the bacon’s okay!
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Thanks so much
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I agree with the comments that there was some beautiful language and word choices in this story. It made me want to go back and re-write my story.
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We all write differently. We can all only write like ourselves
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A really well written piece, Neil. I agree with Alicia. This one sings.
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Thanks, Russell
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You pulled me right in… and left me wanting more! Beautifully done.
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Thanks, Dale
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Great imagery in this one. The bacon sizzles. I wonder what else did. A four year old case will be hard to solve. He might have got away with it
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You think he did it? I deny it strenuously
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Just a comment to agree with all that’s said above, great language and well crafted piece
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Thanks so much
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‘The gears of time slip’ – wonderful phraseology.
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Thanks, Lizy
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I really like the way he returns to his bacon, to his normal. I am wondering about his reliability as a narrator….. Did he have anything to do with the death, I wonder?
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That’s a possibility that hadn’t occurred to me. But you’re the second person to suggest that. I wonder if there’s a hint of fire with that smoke
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The details on the bacon makes the story all the more interesting… had almost expected it to burn
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Whatever happens, the bacon must never burn
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I was taken into the story from the very beginning. I love the visual you created. Sad, but these things do happen more often then people think. Moves, separations, everything about life can create moments like these. I can’t find the perfect words to describe how wonderful this was to read.
AND … wouldn’t mind reading more. : )
Isadora 😎
p.s. I could smell the bacon. Wjo doesn’t like bacon?
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Thanks so much, Isadora
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Nicely written atmospheric piece full of mystery and regret. I liked your descriptions of the way the passing of time changes.
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Thanks so much
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The imagery is wonderful in this story, and the voice is intriguing. I tend to agree with a couple of other commenters that the guilt he’s feeling might be about more than just a dispute. The ‘failed police investigation’, the words ‘serve’ and ‘time’ in the closing sentence – all make me wonder. Very good.
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I love it when readers see stories I hadn’t intended. Thanks, Margaret
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Lovely piece, Neil. Several things happening at once as often happens in life. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thanks, Suzanne
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“The gears of time…”bravo! I also liked the subtle way ‘life goes on’ was highlighted.
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Thanks, Dahlia. I’m glad I didn’t hit you over the head with that
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