
Fifa remained serene in the face of my confession, “I’m a bit in love with you, you know.”
She smiled, and the whole world lit up.
“Oh, you too?” and the starbursts were snuffed out. The sadness behind her smile spoke the unvoiced “it would be so much simpler if you weren’t.”
And it would have been. Simpler. This totally screwed up a simple business transaction.
Now I’d have to go on the run. Her husband would send someone after me. And then I’d be dead. It would have been so much simpler if I’d just pushed her as contracted.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here.
Fancy sharpening your skill with writing exercises? The Scrivener’s Forge offers a new exercise every month to hone one aspect of your craft. Take a look at this month’s exercise on creativity
Dear Neil,
Pity the poor smitten hit man. Nicely constructed story that had me in suspense until the very end.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Rochelle
LikeLike
Poor guy. Should have done what he was told to do, and now He’s gonna get it. Well done, sir!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Miles
LikeLike
Scary. Suspense-filled :))
Emotions – every time – will be the death of us!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And, of course, the life of us
LikeLiked by 1 person
He let his heart rule his head and his feelings were his downfall. Excellent.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Keith
LikeLike
A hitman with a soft spot. Sad love is so tough.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Even hitmen have needs
LikeLike
And hitwomen… except Marvel’s Black Widow.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A hitman with a heart. Too bad for him.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s bad business to fall for your mark.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A schoolboy error
LikeLiked by 1 person
She was destined to live and be loved , I think. 🙂
Brilliant, as always.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much
LikeLike
The first line already got me hooked. She must have that “je ne sais quoi” that makes so many men (and maybe women) fall for her. As Rochelle said, your tale keeps us in suspense until the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Magarisa
LikeLiked by 1 person
He’ll need to keep his back to the wall
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t think it will help him
LikeLike
Terrific story-telling, Neil. Absolutely pitch-perfect.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Penny
LikeLike
That’s the problem with romantic contract killers. Lot of story here in a hundred words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Joshua
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a perfect put down. “Oh you too.” Now there’s class.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you liked the line. It was one of my favourites
LikeLike
A job like that is never easy… but you cannot fall in love… and even worse let your target fall for you. Wonder if it was her husband paying him
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, not her husband
LikeLike
Yep, failed on point 1 of the hitman rule book.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He’s having a bad day
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’ve painted quite the scene! How did Pascal say it? “The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of.” Simple business deals do have a funny way of becoming quite complex.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Christine
LikeLike
Never let your emotions rule your decisions. I hope he has a good pair of sneakers
LikeLiked by 1 person
He hopes so too, but he pretty much knows he doesn’t
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent story. I tried to pick a favorite line, but I like them all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! Thanks
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a hit you have scored with this hit in love story, Neil.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Neel
LikeLike
I love the quick change of emotions from the world lighting up to the starbursts being snuffed out.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, that was mean of me
LikeLike
That is quite a twist
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks
LikeLike
He should stick to hitting men.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, he knows it now. Thanks, Jane
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
That’s the problem with hit men these days, no sense of professionalism 🙂 Btw, whenever I read or hear ‘wheels within wheels’, I immediately think of PG Wodehouse!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much. Why Wodehouse?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Many of his bumbling characters, like Lord Emsworth’s son for example, keep trying to explain stuff to people using this line… and end up confusing them even more in the process. I use the phrase very often in real life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Got it
LikeLiked by 1 person
Never fall for the target. Silly man 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Quite
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love has no place in your life when you make your living killing folk – the fool. Still, rather sad though. Nicely done Neil
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Lynn
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure
LikeLike
Never get involved with the target!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right
LikeLike
Feeling a little mean this week, are we? Great story. Poor sot.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It stops me pulling wings off flies
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m pretty sure we could survive without a few flies, but hey, at least PETA won’t hunt you down.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“it would be so much simpler if you weren’t.” Ta-da! This line says it all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Alicia
LikeLike
I loved the “Oh, you too” as well… that does put a damper on one’s ardour. Never mix business with pleasure. Poor fool.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Dale
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always happens!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, That’s why I gave up being a hitman
LikeLike
😂😂😂
LikeLike
Nicely done, Neil. Blurring the lines between work and pleasure is never going to end well. A hit-man cannot afford emotions.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Michael
LikeLiked by 1 person
The last line was a killer! hehe
LikeLike
Thanks so much
LikeLike
A very nicely constructed story I found. Expressive about the ‘smitten’ dynamic in so few words. I didn’t quite understand the ending.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. Now he’s on the hit list
LikeLike
I love this because hit men are real people too – with real feelings and this is so realistic – ha! and love the “a bit in love” –
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love is a dangerous thing. It’s put many a man in a spin cycle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And yet, you can fall in love with no training and without a licence
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, but you have to have a license to get married–and you don’t have to get it renewed. Go figure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice Take.
Mine: https://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2017/12/27/friday-fictioneers-lifes-cycle/
Scott
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wlcm
LikeLike
An ending I didn’t expect, but I loved the story. Love is a strange thing at times.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Susie. Yes it is
LikeLike
You see, romance is bad for business. Suspenseful story with a big twist. And congrats on your writing accolades and mentorship programs! Happy New Year!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much Fatima
LikeLike
Now he’s in trouble. You just don’t cheat the mob. The boss will be sending a hitman after the hitman. Good writing, Neil. —- Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Suzanne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yikes!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh wow I liked the unexpectedness of the story!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Dahlia
LikeLiked by 1 person