
Beyond the footlights, the audience is an unseen expectant mass. Zeina El Hefny commands the stage, her coloratura notes easily ascending the runs and trills of Handel’s score to hit a high F. She has made it, all the way from Cairo to the heart of Europe. But how she missed her own civilised bathroom and its bidet!
A house light sparks off a tiara in the Royal box.
A stray thought sparks off Zeina’s mind as she regards the opera-goers. “All these people smear their shit around their arses with bits of paper.”
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here
MMMmm. Feeling clean both physically and mentally promotes a sense of well being. I sensed a cultural disdain in this.
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Strong cultural disdain. Civilisation can be measured, some say, by the distance we put between ourselves and our excreta
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So true.
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Then my cat must be just about the most civilised creature on the planet, and I’ve got the ruined vegetable plots to substantiate that claim.
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Irrespective of culture or judgment, great that talent is recognized and respected all over the world.
Glad there’s a good audience that has good taste to make Zeina’s event a grand success.
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Thanks, Anita
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Imagine if she said her thoughts out loud? Or did she?
I laughed.
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Thankfully, she was singing at the time
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I’d love to have a rummage around Zeina’s dressing room. Fascinating diva.
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Thanks, Jilly
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It’s amazing what we miss when we travel overseas. Our perspectives are often skewed. The story made me laugh, remembering my own thoughts at times when traveling. Hit a personal “note.” Great read as always!
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Thanks so much, Brenda
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We are all reduced to the same shit in the end.
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Wasn’t there something about the thickness of the bread?
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Dear Neil,
Such profound thoughts to remember. Keeps the playing field level so to speak.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks so much, Rochelle
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Ha, civilized can be a perspective thing. Well done.
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Thanks so much, Kelly
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Even the Queen! Excellent Neil.
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Thanks Keith. Even if it’s royal-grade parchment
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That was different!
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Yes. Is that good or bad?
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It’s good, but there is so much in this, I don’t even know where to start. What a great idea to have the diva let her thoughts wander while she sings… but the path they take… LOL.
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Ah. Thanks so much
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I suppose it’s more effective than envisioning them in their underwear, albeit a good deal more graphic. Well done.
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Thanks, Joshua. I think the thought arose quite unbidden in her unspuspecting mind
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Haha! I love how her thoughts are able to wander whilst she is performing – proof of her professional abilities. Where her thoughts wandered is proof that we all have these out-of-box thoughts at the oddest times. Great take.
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Thanks so much, Dale
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What a graphic image! I shall choose to think it every time Boris Johnson appears on my television screen…
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My gift to the nation
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Totally unexpected, and I’m pretty sure I’ll still be laughing for some time. Hilarious.
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Thanks, Linda. I’m glad it raised a laugh
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haha. That’s an image I didn’t need. Surprise ending.
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Sorry
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Short tale, great lesson! You are a master of this trick! Hats off to you!
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Thanks so much
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I indulge in reflections of a similar nature when I’m forced to utilise those ‘hole in the ground’ toilets that seem to abound ‘sur le continent’.
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Loved your story, by the way. I love an ending that completely reverses the tone of the foregoing.
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Thanks so much, Sandra. As a general rule, I hate twist in the tail stories. But there seems to be something about flash that invites it
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Ewwww what an image !
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Sorry
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Really well told!
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Thanks so much, Laurie
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Urgh 🙂 What a dirty bunch we are.
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At least to her eyes
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when i went to france for the first time, i found myself totally uncivilized. when confronted by a bidet, i didn’t know what it was for and how to use it. such cultural shock. 🙂
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And I once found myself unable to turn on the taps or open my hotel room door in a US hotel because the operation of these complex technical devices was so different from those at home
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the separate hot and cold taps in the uk dirve me crazy. 🙂
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Even in the middle of a sublime performance, Ms. Zeina Al Haffny cannot take her mind off her arse !
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Other people’s arses in fact
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Is this the equal of just visualizing them all naked? Well done, regardless.
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It’s naked to the power of ten
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A good story, Neil. I wondered about the Hindu habit of never eating with the left hand until I asked about it. It’s also impolite to handle a serving spoon with the left hand. they don’t have bidets. 🙂 — Suzanne
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Thanks, Suzanne. I remember that from visits to India
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In the middle of such a grand setting, it’s sometimes funny what one thinks of.
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Yes it is. Thanks for reading, Bernadette
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ROFLOL!! Reminds me of doing a presentation to the top heads in the New York City financial district. I kept telling myself they put their pants on just like I did – one leg at a time. Humanizes things….
https://dbmcnicol.com/friday-fictioneers-freshly-boxed/
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Thanks so much
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Any rationalization to feel superior. If it wasn’t the bidet vs. paper it would have been something else.
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In my mind she’s not trying to feel superior. She’s just struck appallingly by a major cultural difference
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Wonderfully set up before the rapid spiral at the end. I love how you link the light reflecting off a tiara to an idea sparked in Zeina’s mind. I’ll never feel the same about opera or tiaras again. And I do agree – cultural practices become so much a part of us, especially in the realm of the very personal – that having to cope with differences can be agony.
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Thanks so much, Margaret. And thanks for noticing the linking device of the spark
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Nope – didn’t see that coming. I had to read it again to see if I somehow misread it. Not implausible, by any means, just unexpected. I’m shaking my head, wondering how on earth that idea came to you, but you don’t have to tell.
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Thanks. The story was based on a conversation to the same effect I had a long time ago with an Arab friend
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I wonder if Zeina cringed when the thought went through her mind. This reminded me of the time I was in Indonesia and visited someone’s home. When I went to the bathroom, my socks got wet from the water on the floor… it was water from buckets that served as a form of bidet.
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I think her feeling was more one of wonder and amazement
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What a profound closing statement. 🙂
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In the deepest sense
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Toilets are one of those comforts that make traveling bearable. It’s like, we can travel anywhere, so long as there’s a toilet of a familiar kind. The automatic flushing toilets in Singapore were quite amusing and frustrating, as they would sometimes flush while one was still sitting on them.
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Nothing worse than a toilet with a mind of its own
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Ha! Ha! Shit got real. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcAdwNOfyUQ
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Thanks for reading
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She found quite the way for expressing her disdain! 🙂
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i think the disdain came unbidden
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