
Nothing. Whiteness. And the hum of a motor. I can see and hear, but when I try to move, nothing. Not restrained, just no muscles. Not even to call out. Without larynx and tongue, the shout remains trapped within me. Am I dead?
Shadows move across the ceiling. People in the room.
Helen’s voice. “How is he doctor?”
“A vegetative state. He may come out of it, he may not.”
The scream inside me has nowhere to go. It may live in me for ever.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here
Fancy sharpening your skill with writing exercises? The Scrivener’s Forge offers a new exercise every month to hone one aspect of your craft. Take a look at this month’s exercise on point of view
One of my worst fears realised. Great last line.
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Thanks Iain
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Touching!
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Thanks, Reena
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Dear Neil,
Good one..that last line packs a wallop.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle
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Reminds me of the title (but not the plot) of Harlan Ellison’s 1967 short story, “I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream.”
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All resonances help to stretch the 100 words
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This is terrifying! A very powerful piece of writing. It will take some time to get it out of my mind and as it’s such a dreadful situation, it’s not really something I want to dwell on!!
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Sorry, Edith, and thanks
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Vivid. Reminds me a bit of Trumbo’s Johnny Got His Gun about the legless, armless, eyeless and deafened soldier who learns to communicate with his nurse by tapping out morse code with his head.
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Thanks, Joshua
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And I thought I was the only one who remembered Johnny Got His Gun. Saw the movie. Read the book. Chilling.
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That’s an awful state to be in and you’ve told it so powerfully. And a great metaphor from the photo. Wonderful!
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Thanks so much
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Oh Yes. A good one
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Thanks so much
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Wow, very powerful.
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Thanks so much, Clare
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That is one of my worst fears, too! Well told, Neil.
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Thanks, Dale
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That must have been some powerful little bird! Horror at its finest.
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A thought provoking piece, Neil. How would any of us react in such a situation, I wonder?
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Thanks, Penny
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Powerful take on the prompt. This would be anyone’s worse nightmare.
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Thanks Susan
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“A scream inside with nowhere to go.” I loved that line.
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Thanks so much
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Your poignant tale really draws us into his helplessness. I read a real life scene like this where, thankfully, the patient made a full recovery. You’ve caught his feelings exactly.
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Thanks so much, Christine
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This is my worst nightmare. Powerful stuff.
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Thanks, Vivian
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A nightmare scenario and you told it so very well, Neil. Nicely, if disturbingly, done
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Thanks, Lynn
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My pleasure Neil 🙂
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A unique take and brilliant story telling, as always.
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Thank you so much
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I truly like where you took the prompt. It does look as if the bird is in the middle of a silent scream. Nice one, for sure, Neil.
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Thanks, Alicia
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I remember feeling that way during the surgery to reconstruct my face. I could see them doing the surgery, feel the pain, and couldn’t scream. I was attached to a respirator and in what they call a “twilight” sleep. Sleep, my ass! I still wake up screaming sometimes, especially in the winter when pain is high.
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I’m so glad it felt authentic to your experience
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This is like that nightmare of being buried alive… (or worse)
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Worse I think
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Fantastic take on the prompt. You hit a nerve with this story. I think this is a fear we all harbor.
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Thanks so much
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I’m shuddering just thinking of being in this situation.
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Shuddering is good
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Terrifying.
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Thanks
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Terrific, Neil
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Thanks so much
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Excellent. Short but so powerful.
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Thank you so much
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Oh scary. That is a real nightmare!
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Thanks, Laurie
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Terrifying situation.
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Thanks, Sascha
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Scary, scary…. Thoughtful how you linked the story to the prompt and excellent writing too.
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Thanks so much
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I fear they shall pull the plug soon.
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Maybe. Either way, unless they discover he’s in there. he won’t be able to do a thing about it
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Trapped. Very scary.
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Thanks, Tracey
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This was very powerful, Neil. Reminds me of Uma Thurman’s plight in Kill Bill.
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Thanks so much
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so sad…
chilling actually
makes me appreciate basic things
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Thanks so much
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So well done. You nailed the horror of this possibility – so unsettling, creepy, frightening.
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Thanks, Sarah Ann
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Oh creepy! That last line made me feel claustrophobic. Horror suits you, well done!
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I’m not sure how to take “horror suits you”. Thanks, Fatima
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Haha! Take it happily. Horror is not easy to write and you did it well.
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I could hear the strangled scream! Very well penned Neil
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Thanks, Dahlia
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To think it could end like this – terrifying.
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Thanks, Keith
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Hi Neil, grim indeed. I really like the idea of writing about not being able to speak / communicate. A personal terror too!
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Thanks, Rachel
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This state is always one that has scared me, a state of pure helplessness and you’ve caught the claustrophobic nature of it brilliantly.
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Thanks, Michael
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Great story. I hope he wakes.
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Thanks so much
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