Min Min Challenge – The best laid plans

~ neilmacdon

Are ye there, Rabbie? Could ye be? Inside this great white phallus o’ a mausoleum? I dinnae think so. It’s no the phallic symbolism I find improbable, ye ken? Aye, that would suit ye fine. Nor even the grandiloquent size (ye were aye a bit o’ a boaster, richt enough). It’s the whiteness, in a church yard o’ red sandstone needles. Rabbie, ye were a man o’ the people, champion o’ ye ain folk. Rise with the class, no above it, that’s the way o’ it for the likes of us.

But here’s the thing that really scunners me. They put a fu’ng big iron gate across the entrance. Best laid plans, is it? Aye, that’ll be richt. Ma plan, ye ken, was tae lay me doon on yer tomb. Ye were aye a randy bugger, and I was thinking wee Tam could tak me as I sprawled athwart yer deid body. That would hae been strong magic, so it would—a guaranteed pregnancy. Would that no hae tickled ye, Rabbie? Aye, course it would. Whit am I goin’ tae do wi’ wee Tam the noo?

Ach, buggrit, Tam, let’s just get a haggis supper and watch the telly.

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Written for the Min Min challenge. The prompt is Robert Burns’ “The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley”. You can find other contributions here

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