
In the whole village, only I still remember Dan Grimes. He lived, carried to the fields the scythe he called Excalibur, drank ale, married Bess, and died, all before living memory.
The young uns don’t credit it when I say Dan would walk half way across the county for work.
“Why didn’t he get the bus?” they ask.
“Weren’t no buses then,” I say, and they ponder this in silence.
When folk say Joseph Grimes has his mother’s crabbiness, I tell ‘em the viciousness is purely Dan’s. And they respect my lore.
But Dan weren’t vicious when he were young. He were sweet. Just not sweet on me. He comes to me in my dreams.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here
Dear Neil,
The voice in this adds to the story’s flavor. Well done as always.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Rochelle. I was quite pleased with this
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really dense and I read it slowly.
I also liked how it started with “still” remember
that “still” connected to the rest of the lasting memory here
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
There’s such a note of lingering regret and pathos in this. Well done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Sandra
LikeLike
Reflections on time passed. Well written.
Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Tracey
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a fascinating glimpse of country life perhaps 100 years ago. You’ve cleverly chosen to tell it through the voice of a very old woman, and slowly reveal that she has a personal stake in the memory of Dan Grimes. She hints at his potential for domestic violence, but gives away the fact that she’s an unreliable witness because Dan rejected her. What a great way to give your history depth!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks so much, Penny. Yes, you saw it all
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved how history of his life is summed up, “drank ale, married Bess, and died” (I assume it was over a period of time and not immediately after the wedding. I wonder if ‘she’ thought he had married the wrong un and was the reason for his bad behaviour.
A great story, in so few words, that makes thoughts tumble through my mind.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks so much James. Yes that was a summary of decades in Dan’s life
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice character portrait. Reminded me a bit of ‘Sunset Song’.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Iain
LikeLiked by 1 person
A cleverly constructed tale in which I felt a strong sense of love, loss and longing. A great read, Neil!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Edith
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are such an array of interesting responses to this weeks prompt, and your did not disappoint, I enjoyed the voice and the characterisation, and how much you packed into so few words. Lovely
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Michael. Yes, it was an excellent prompt
LikeLiked by 1 person
Intriguing. I am amazed, as always at the diversity of responses to this prompt.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Linda. That’s the wonder of story telling isn’t it. After a quarter of a million years around campfires, we still find new ones
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny how the memory works. Regret and misdirected anger, methinks.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yup, but also sweet nostalgia and perhaps a bit of self-delusion
LikeLiked by 1 person
Loved the lore of Dan Grimes. He was a jolly good fellow!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks so much. He was probably a bit of a sod, but she was keen on him
LikeLike
Such a sense of pathos about this one. Lovely voice.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks so much. Yes, I was working very much for a voice-driven story here
LikeLiked by 2 people
That ending is so poignant. I feel for her and her memories. so well written, Neil!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Sascha
LikeLiked by 1 person
The casual but brilliant reference to the name he chose for his scythe tells us more than a thousand word description of the man. Seems he deteriorated as he got older but she got the best of him, when her world was young.
LikeLiked by 2 people
But she didn’t get him. Thanks, Jilly
LikeLike
Love the voice, Neil, and the sense of longing, the sense that she has to tell people about him, to keep him alive for her own sake – even if he didn’t want her. Deep layers here. Well told
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Lynn. I like your perception that she’s keeping him alive
LikeLiked by 1 person
And passing him on to those who never knew him. I understand that need, to keep people alive
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow great voice. Well told tale. The memory lingers even this long after. Strength and sadness
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Laurie
LikeLike
Once again, a beautifully written tale. This line nodding towards a case of domestic violence-“But Dan weren’t vicious when he were young. He were sweet. Just not sweet on me”- was so nicely crafted.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Piyali
LikeLiked by 1 person
You said so much about him in just a handful of well-chosen words.Nice one.
Click to read my FriFic tale
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Keith
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really like the strength of the story teller’s voice, I could imagine sitting on a bench listening. As others have said, you wove a lot of personal history in very few words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much
LikeLike
What a great voice in this one, absolutely masterly, brings all the characters to life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very poignant.
LikeLike
Thanks, Lisa
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great last lines that sent me back through the whole story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much
LikeLike
Really liked this. Her voice is full of her memory of that lost wanting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Stu
LikeLike
You can hear the love in her (or his) voice, the valuing of character traits, that people do without, these days, because they’re spoiled.I love the “scythe he called Excalibur.” So much reminiscing on a harsher time, this week, with stories to instruct the young, who, unlike their elders, have never wallked a mile barefoot in the snow, just to get to school.:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much. That’s a really interesting insight – character tratis people do without these days
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mmmmm … I thought I had added a comment here before, Neil.
I don’t see it. Perhaps, the mirror has captured it. I know I added
that I loved Penny’s comment and being late to comment left little
for me to add … BUT … BRAVO hasn’t been said.
Isadora 😎
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Isadora
LikeLiked by 1 person
😎
LikeLike
This is such a great story about a memorable character but what I loved the most was his skythe Excalibur. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Glad you liked that. Thanks
LikeLike
I felt an ominous undertone to this. Something about him coming to her in her dreams, seems a little creepy. Perhaps it is just the voice in this.
Enjoyable read.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Dawn. No, he didn’t really come to her. It was just her dream
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really enjoyed this nostalgic piece. Reminds me of the old lady in Titanic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can see the narrator telling only part of the story… when everyone but you have forgotten, you own the obituary
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly. She can make Dan anything she wants
LikeLike
Sweet dreams. ;0)
LikeLike
Thanks
LikeLike
Wonderful voice. I wonder what other stories she has to tell.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Sarah. Perhaps she’ll return one day
LikeLike
There’s nothing that hasn’t been said. I’m with Penny on this one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks
LikeLike
The very strong voice adds depth and mystery to your story, and I, for one, wonder about the story your narrator is not telling. Well done!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Jan. And thanks for spotting there’s a story she’s not telling
LikeLike
This voice feels so real, Neil. A wonderful telling. Just sublime. Well done, you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much, Kelvin. She’s lived with me for some time looking for a story
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great story, Neil. I like that she isn’t bitter that he didn’t marry her and has only good things to say about him. She’s his strongest defender when he is criticized. It’s endearing how she keeps his memory alive.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much
LikeLike