
Whaddaya mean I can’t be here? Whodyathink you are? Oh, you’re the doorman? Well, whoopiedoo, I’m a street-sweeper! You ain’t no better than me. Whodyathink keeps the pavement clean for the lovely ladies ‘n’ genelmen?
What? Of course I’m dirty, you eejit. Muck does that to a bloke. I’m good enough to keep your customers from stepping in poop, but not good enough to be one? Get you!
Silly hat but nice coat, by the way. We’ll see how pretty the jacket looks when you have to clean up your own crap because I ain’t gonna ever again.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here.
Fancy sharpening your skill with writing exercises? The Scrivener’s Forge offers a new exercise every month to hone one aspect of your craft. Take a look at this month’s exercise on point of view.
Angry, yet justified I fear!
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Sadly, yes
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All men are equal but sadly not all believe that. Good dialogue.
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Thanks, Irene
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Loved the monologue, Neil. Sadly, this is all too common.
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Thanks, Varad
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What would we do without them ?
Great writing and appeal to compassion.
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We’d be up to our necks in it. Thanks so much
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Years ago I was refused entry to Harrods in London because I was wearing scruffy jeans! Thanks for reminding me!
Click to read my FriFic!
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Thanks for sharing the story, Keith
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Dear Neil,
All men are created equal, some more equal than others. 😉 A lot said in the angry voice. Loved the dialect. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks, Rochelle
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Authentic voice Neil.
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Thanks, Iain
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The voice of honest outrage there. Well done.
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Thanks, Sandra
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Tip the sweeper, though he be a blackguard boy. Nice bit of Dickens there.
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Thanks, Joshua
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Wonderful voice, fun story.
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Thanks so much
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Nice monologue, good voice. This didn’t sound like one of yours either this week!
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I tend to confine my rants to my blog. Thanks Claire
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An excellent piece! It’s unfortunate that so many discriminate against those who do tough, physical work. We need these people just as much as we need doctors and teachers!
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Thanks. They drive our buses, clean up after us, deliver our purchases, but we don’t see them
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Yes, they tend to be invisible to us.
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Neil, I agree with all the previous comments. I found the dialogue very authentic and I really found myself walking in his shoes. You would like to think that these barriers had broken down in our world but not always. You have definitely done your bit to redress that through your story.
I have been caring for four pups and can relate to the role of street sweeper at the moment, athough our cutie pies are well and truly worth it.
xx Rowena
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Thanks, Rowena
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A biting social commentary on attitudes to people according to their roles and status. I very much liked this piece, Neil. Particularly because, only last week, I was having a grumble about the lack of appreciation of and respect for the people who do the least pleasant jobs in our society. We really need their willingness to do the work and we can’t do without them but, overall, people don’t appear to value them. Your story said it all!
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Thanks so much, Edith
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The last time I walked the streets of San Francisco (years ago, of course), the poop just sat on the sidewalk. Wonder if our fellow got tired of cleaning it up?
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Or one of his mates?
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Well told. My village has been and still is lucky enough to have a gentleman who sweeps the streets etc. They have all been kind sociable gents. We undervalue them at our peril.
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Thanks, Michael
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Funny take on the prompt. Especially loved the usage of “eejit”. Nicely done.
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I’m glad you understood eejit. It’s very British
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I loved it!
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Great story. You’ve created a wonderful and authentic-sounding voice for your sweeper.
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Thanks, Penny
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Great story. The character had a very strong “voice.’
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Thanks so much
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Love it, and sounds so authentic. I just watched the remains of the day and could imagine Mr Stevens standing there disapproving
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Thanks, Bjorn
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We should all be grateful to blokes like this – imagine the state of our cities without them! Nicelt outraged, Neil
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Thanks, Lynn
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My pleasure 🙂
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Great voice. I’m sorry to say I’ve sometimes felt like your street-sweeper. He has my sympathy.
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Thanks. Mine too
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The dialogue in this piece is delightful. I’m so glad I’m not a pooper-scooper!
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Thanks, Alicia
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I agree with all the comments the dialogue in this was wonderful. It really set the scene and characters.
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Thanks, Cindy
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I have been one of the “unseen” and know what it’s like – Good story!
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Thanks, Nan
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Whoopiedoo!
Good social comment neatly done.
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Thanks so much
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He has a point! A tough job. Made tougher by opinions
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Thanks Laurie
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Sounds like he’s had enough of being ignored by those who consider themselves his betters. Still, next week that doorman will be cleaning up!
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He’s had it up to here
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I enjoyed the dialog between the two men, Neil. He got his point across. Great interpretation
of the photo prompt.
Isadora 😎
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Thanks, Isadora
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This has such a fresh, fabulous voice Neil.
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Thanks so much
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Great snapshot of social discrimination. If only people could respect each other for their hard work no matter what their job, rather than look down their noses, the world would be a happier place.
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Thanks so much
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Sadly there will always be those who judge the “little” people – the ones that are assumed lesser than. Sad.
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Yes it is
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Maybe I’m just being adverse here, but not sure if this fellow would have felt at ease if the doorman had let him in. Not sure what I’d think if ragged grubby sorts wandered through a hotel lobby wjere I was staying. Hopefully I’d be charitable.
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He probably wouldn’t have felt at ease. But no as ill at ease as he feels by being refused entry
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True. Sometimes the fact that we aren’t allowed makes us really want to, just to show we can.
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The voice of your character was spot on. Well done.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks, Susan
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It’s the unseen and unregarded that would be missed most if they weren’t there. Nicely told with a voice that was spot on
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Thanks so much
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🙂
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Well done. Great point of view. What a character!
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Thanks so much
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I enjoyed this story very much as it is so true to life. The dialogue was very powerful and I would have liked to see the doorman’s face at the end of the day.
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Thanks, Oliana
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Bitterness a plenty, I fear, just rolls off the tongue.
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A lifetime of bitterness, yes
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Wonderful voice and characterisation.
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Thanks , Sarah
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