The screaming girls and the boys swallowing their terror in feigned insouciance. That was me once. I remember the stolen taste of candy floss on Carol’s lips. And the accidental brush of a soft breast in the chamber of horrors.
Carol was taken a decade ago. These days, I can only sit and watch. There’s always the possibility of a spectacular crash. I’d like that.
.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here
Neil MacDonald Author 
A shame he’s in such a bitter place, rather than wishing those youngsters find their own ‘Carol’.
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I’m not sure I see him as bitter. Just very withdrawn and understimulated
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A spectacular ending after a feast of images
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Thanks so much, Michael
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I didn’t even see the amusement park 😀
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We all see differently
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He’s waiting for a crash to happen? I wonder why.
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Maybe because it would be something to watch
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A story to read and re-read because there are a few threads to pull on. Very mysterious – did Carol die or did somebody take her? Was the storyteller always a bit of a psycho or did losing her turn him into one? Sounds like he’s permanently in his own chamber of horrors now.
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Thanks so much, Jilly. He just needs some excitement in his life
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“And the accidental brush of a soft breast in the chamber of horrors.” – Great line, says it all, time and place.
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Thanks so much, Tannille
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Dear Neil,
A lot of emotion in this piece. I’d say he’s rather bitter.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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You’re the second person to see him as bitter, so perhaps he is. Though he isn’t in my mind
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He sounds desolate. Expertly understated.
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Yes, desolate is a good description. Thanks, Sandra
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Anything to cover over his pain of loss, if only temporarily. Emotional piece that can be interpreted in many ways. Very well done, Neil!
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Thanks so much, Brenda
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Sorry, I’m laughing.
Great ending!
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It wasn’t meant to be funny, you know. Pshaw!
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Such sadness. Good writing, Neil.
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Thanks so much, Linda. Sadness can do terrible things to people
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He seems withdrawn, watching life now as if it’s a TV show and he’s only a viewer. In that sense, wishing to see a spectacular crash makes sense.
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You got it exactly
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There’s nothing quite like a spectacular crash to make one feel better.
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It cheers you up no end
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Well written, but a very bleak message. I think, despite your disclaimers, I see him as bitter. Grief is survivable, even when the partner has been much-loved and the relationship long.
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That’s three for bitter now
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Such a poignant take on a lonely old man. Bittersweet and tasty writing, Neil.
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Thanks so much, Jade
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You’re very welcome.
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I won’t call him bitter. I’ll call him stuck in the past that he probably built up to way more than it ever was so nothing else could possibly do…
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I’ll buy that
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🙂
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I’ve been watching too much “true crime” lately so “taken” took on a meaning for me that I don’t think you intended. I’ve read it three times now. I don’t feel his bitterness or sadness but rather that he’s open to a little schadenfreude.
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I’m ashamed to say that I chose “taken” for some cheap ambiguity
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Ha. There’s no shame in that! That’s being a good writer. 😁
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Awwwwww this is sad. Poor thing. Sounds like he misses her.
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He’s devastated
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Wishing he could turn the switch back to happier times. A poignant piece indeed.
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Thanks so much, Keith
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Why would he wish for such destruction? He should go watch something else and remember the good times with Carol.
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There’s nowt so queer as folk
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Sometimes there’s nothing quite like a mangling of bodies to bring some excitement to the day…
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When you’re in a deep hole, it takes a big stimulus
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any kind of excitement? Believe he needs to be perked up.
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He probably needs more than that
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yes, seems to be pretty hopeless
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it looks like he’s comfortable in his own skin. consider it a plus. 🙂
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So long as someone else is uncomfortable
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Lots to think about here. Most of the rides these days are terrifying, you can only wonder if people are having a death wish going on them.
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I think it’s the same primciple as horror movies – being scared safely
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Well written! A great mix of nostalgia, sadness, and twisted humor at the end. 😊
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Thanks so much
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One of the carnival rides crashed near here last year. Made quite a splash on the news. Several injuries, but no deaths. I’m sure someone filmed it with their cellphone. They always do these days.
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Everyone’s a producer
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This is a tale that turns quite strangely, especially in the last two lines. Would be fascinated to see where it goes next. Intriguing – I’m reserving judgement on this character!
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He probably wouldn’t really enjoy a crash. He’s just grumpy
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Vividly written. It felt like I was there with them. And … with him, in his desolation.
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Thanks so much
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🙂
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I like the twist at the end, from feeling the man’s nostalgia to finding him cruel and bitter. A good story.
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Thanks so much
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Ouch. A lot of painful honesty in this one. Hope he can move on. Well written.
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Thanks so much, Anne
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There’s a powerful sense of emotion and character here: first in fleeting moments, sensations, and then in the more withdrawn, almost angry last couple lines. The contrast between the two really makes the story work.
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Thanks so much
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