You reckoned I’d spin you a sob-story with these shoes, didn’t you? Like Hemingway’s “baby shoes, brand new, never worn”. Or like the boy got his feet blown off in the war and never wore them again. I’d have thrashed him if he’d been that careless.
Liked to walk, my lad did, and he were a good strong walker. One day, he walked and walked, and walked right out of these shoes. Where did he go? Dunno. This story’s a mystery, not the tragedy you was expecting. The shoes live under his bed still, but the boy never came back.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here.
Fancy sharpening your skill with writing exercises? The Scrivener’s Forge offers a new exercise every month to hone one aspect of your craft. Take a look at this month’s exercise on reveals.
Neil MacDonald Author 
I thought on the famous Hemingway story too from the prompt. Mysterious and I also sensed a tragedy the narrator was refusing to acknowledge. Nice one Neil.
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Thanks, Iain, and yes, well-spotted there is an untold story lurking
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There is a strong sense of denial in the narration. Maybe the narrator is refusing to acknowledge some mishap.
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He certainly is
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Well, they do grow up ….
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They do, and when they’re big enough some run away
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Sad for the dad.
Great storytelling, Neil.
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Thanks, Moon
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Dear Neil,
I love the voice in this. Pitch perfect. All around, this is one of my favorites of yours.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Why thank you, Rochelle. You’re right, this one is very much about the voice
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Maybe the boy had become too big . so he never returned. sad for the father.’
‘
https://ideasolsi65.blogspot.in/2017/09/walk.html
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Thanks, Kalpana
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Your story is much like Hemingway’s “baby shoes” story. Few words that say a lot!
Well done!
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Thanks so much, Caerlynn
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I do think you told a tragedy even if you don’t know what happened.
I see a grieving father who can only handle his sorrow by being flippant and harsh.
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Yes, I see it as a tragedy too
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You really nailed it! So much not said.
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Thanks so much, Christine
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Nicely done. I thought of this scenario as well. The shoes as a monument.
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Thanks, Joshua
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So, Neil, you taunt us with Hemingway and proceed to entice us into a tragic mystery…WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOY???
That’s a lovely little story, really well done!
Best wishes
Penny
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Thanks, Penny. The boy left home to escape an abusive father
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I hope he made it. Leaving home as a teenager is a risky business.
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Word is, he did
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There’s a touch of cockney in the tone of this story, Neil, the narrator feels angry, touchy, guilty. I guess. I could be wrong. Often I am. Enjoyable to read, and re-read for the pleasure of it. Thanks for posting.
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No you’re exactly right about the narrator
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Sometimes abusive men do just disappear and who’s to say to where? Nice voice here, Neil and very well written
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Thanks, Lynn
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My pleasure 🙂
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The narrator seems to have something to hide. Whether it’s from the reader or from himself…
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Not from the reader
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Delightful all the way around. I agree with Rochelle, this is truly one of your best. Love the voice.
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Thanks so much, Alicia
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I like what isn’t told here. There’s a sense of denial that hints at so much more to the story.
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Thanks, Dawn
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A real sense of underlying sadness and as others have said, of denial. People do what they need to do and say what they need to say just so they can keep going and not be utterly consumed by grief or guilt.
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Thanks, Siobhan
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Your narrative made me feel anxious. I guess I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Great tension in so few words.
Tracey
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Wow! Thanks, Tracey
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I really liked the voice in this story. Very creative and well crafted.
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Thanks, Cindy
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I always love your stories, Neil. They get deeper the longer you think about them. :o)
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Thank you so much for the lovely comment
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Very strong voice. This one i thought was one of very strong denial and/ or some coping mechanism. Very well written, Neil.
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Thanks, Neil
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Love the voice. And I beg to differ–this is a tragedy, because the father won’t let go of his hope that “the boy” will return. Well done.
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Thanks so much. Your version is different from mine and that’s the beauty of reading
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Funny, I didn’t get the sense the father was abusive though I definitely felt he was one who has trouble dealing with pain.
Very well done, Neil.
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Thanks, Dale
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The Hemingway story was the first thing that sprung to mind me as well. There is a great voice here Neil.
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Thanks so much
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They may grow up, but to the parents they’re still children. And many wish for those old days too, I think. I saw a parent’s nostalgia behind the story. Beautiful. 🙂
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I love that interpretation
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Definitely an unreliable narrator here methinks. Very enjoyable.
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Unreliable in the extreme. yes
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Love the narrative style. A mystery indeed.
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Thanks so much
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Like the spin you put on this one, Neil. I thought along those same lines when I first saw the pic. But, alas and anon, I haven’t the time this week to think on such thoughts. 🙂
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I’ll miss your story this week
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I got a story in… check it out1 😉
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Oh, I see you did sugmit something this week. I misunderstood
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The character of the father is striking… Seems to be a man who wanted things done right and thought it is not ok to be open with your feelings… Is that why his son left? Had he ever been told that he was loved?
Very poignant one – this story.
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You’re right. I think the beatings may have also had something to do with the son leaving
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Well done, Neil. There’s so much mystery and sorrow hovering in the ether. I don’t think the son’s ever coming home.
xx Rowena
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Thanks, Rowena. Never is a long time, so you never know
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A sad story despite your denials. Good one.
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Thanks, Liz
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i wonder why he left his shoes. perhaps he has outgrown them?
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If the father is so undaunted by the boy leaving and not returning, why does he keep the shoes under the bed? A hint of denial there.
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Huge amounts of denial, yes
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There is a sad story here, perhaps a tragedy that the father does not want to acknowledge. Nicely done.
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Thanks so much
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I don’t blame the son for leaving, but am hoping that his long walk ended in a happy place. This is a strangely haunting story, Neil, and the father’s voice so well executed. Well done.
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Thanks so much, Sarah
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This is definitely a good new take. but I’m sure the shoes miss its owner:(
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Thanks, Zainab
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The father’s denial made it even more heartbreaking…
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Thanks, Dahlia
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The last line in the first paragraph reveals a man who would “thrash” a handicapped son. I’m thinking that the fact that the son left may not be as much of a mystery as the father believes. Well done; you tell it all without telling it all. 🙂
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Thanks, Sascha
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Love your voice.
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Thanks so much
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Well, Neil, I’m a little dissappointed. I thought you’d do a take on Cinderella. Maybe next time. (just kidding). 🙂
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What? This isn’t the Cinderalla story?
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I really like the mixed emotions from the narrator here, it hints at a complex backstory with his boy. “not the tragedy you was expecting” yet he never came back, Intriguing and nicely written
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Thanks so much
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