The dirt track became a cobbled street, twisting between high buildings that leant together, nodding their heads and clicking their tongues at us.
Marta began to tire, feet dragging and hand pulling in mine. “Let’s go home,” she said. “I don’t like it here.”
The street opened on an avenue, straight as marching soldiers.
At the end—a great plaza. Waters danced in fountains, and flocks of starlings hid the distant palace behind a curtain of coruscating wings.
Marta turned and turned. “Daddy, I didn’t know there was so much space in the whole world.”
I determined things must be different.
Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here
Neil MacDonald Author 
Lovely tale of childhood innocence.
Particularly liked how you grew the streets step by step
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Thanks, mate. I was pleased by the streets. A tale of adult anger too, I hope
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Coruscating – good word. Nice delineation between the have’s and have not’s.
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Thanks, Ian
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Dear Neil,
Any outing with small children can be trying, can’t it? Lovely scene set up.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks so much, Rochelle
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Nothing like a child’s wonder. They do seem to dictate. 😀
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Quite a spur to action
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Lovely imagery and liked how you showed the city through the eyes of a child.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks so much, Susan
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Retaining that sense of awe can clear the mind for a few moments always.
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And spur adults into action
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This looks like a fun & interesting walk!
What more is in store?
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I think the father is going to get involved politically
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Neil, for me this could almost read like a Dad who is an an access visit and possibly not returning the child to her mother. The child seems quite uncomfortable and there’s an eerie feel to it. I seem to be out on my own with this perspective but there’s a reticence in the child which attracted my attention.
Best wishes,
Rowena
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Great imagery.
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Thanks, Anthony
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This is lovely
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Thanks, Joshua
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Your story nicely captures how wanting things to be better for our family so often is the driver of change. And, I really like “flocks of starlings hid the distant palace behind a curtain of coruscating wings,” – lovely image and use of language.
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Thanks so much, Penny. I’m glad you got the significance of the last line
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Your poetic language kept me intrigued right to the end. Loved it.
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Thanks so much, Linda
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I really like the way you showed us the scene through another’s eyes. Nice one.
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Thanks so much, Keith
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You have left me feeling curious. I want to know more!
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he’s inspired by a sense the world can be fairer
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It’s a parents’ duty to expand their child’s horizons. You do a good job of it in your story.
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ALthough perhaps in this case the child expanded the parent’s horizons
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🙂
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I think we are all like children now, leaving the cities for smaller dwellings elsewhere.
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It may depend on how small a dwelling and how much sanitation we need
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I love the imagery. That first line is great.
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Thanks so much
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I love this, Neil. The imagery is divine and I feel the father’s need to make a change.
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Thanks so much, Dale
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Great description. There’s no motivation like that which comes from one’s child.
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Thanks so much
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A beautiful story of a father’s desire that his daughter has more and the innocent view of the child. Nicely done!
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Thanks so much, Brenda
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Sad, drab, resplendent, hopeful, awe-struck, in turns. Such a delightful story Neil!
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What a wonderful thing to say! Thank you
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A real eye-opener for these people from a presumably crowded part of the city to see how much space others have to live in.
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Yes, they’re from the peri-urban slums
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i could only imagine the squalid quarters she’d been used to living in. a new world indeed.
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Pretty basic, yes
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clicking their tongues at us… Love that.
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Thanks so much
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To live in such a square is to live a privileged life, to many live in houses that click together. Well told
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Thanks, Mike
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Nicely described. And I especially liked the contrast between the dragging little feet and the awe – both true in little ones …
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Thanks so much
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Awwwwww
This was lovely, and heartbreaking.
Showing her the world, or giving it to her. Lovely
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Thanks so much, Laurie
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I feel like there’s some powerful social commentary here. Beautifully written in a way that speaks deeply to me. I hope he can give her that world one day.
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He’s going to try his damndest
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A wonderful way to open up the streets as we read further in. I was captured by what the little girl was seeing, and how different it was to her.
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And different too for the father because he saw it for the first time through her eyes
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Beautifully done. Loved the opening paragraph.
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Thanks so much
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That was lovely…
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Thanks so much, Dawn
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You’ve certainly brought the streets to life! So much expressed between the lines. The father’s anger comes through so well.
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Thanks so much, Magarisa. I’m glad the anger came through
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Nice uses of metaphorical language. Makes the place come alive.
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Thanks so much, David
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