Friday Fictioneers – The road to Aşıklı Höyük

~ Neil MacDonald
PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

The plain scorching is and sweat from my brow drips. On the way from being to becoming I am. Aurochs horns we will trade and then feasting and dancing there will be, when Aşıklı Höyük we reach,. Glorious!

The horns to my back strapped carrying, difficult it is to walk. But only with obsidian laden, easier the return way will be.

If she will have me, at Aşıklı a gwain I will seek. Under the floor of the domo, my pichtehr interred is, and my gwain and I the unbroken line will continue. Oh pourer, successful let me be!

.

Note

This is a test piece to see whether this is too annoying for a reader. Please let me know. The odd syntax and unfamiliar words are deliberate. It’s an attempt to follow that of the first language spoken throughout the Indo-European land mass. Verbs followed objects rather than preceding them, as they do in English. Pichtehr means father, becoming eventually pater in Latin, and gwain, from which the English word queen descends, means woman or wife. Aşıklı Höyük was a stone age settlement in what is now Turkey. It was an important centre for obsidian between 10,000 and 9,000 years ago.

Friday fictioneers is a weekly challenge set by Rochelle Wisoff Fields to write a 100-word story in response to a photo prompt. You can find other stories here

47 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – The road to Aşıklı Höyük”

  1. I got what you were doing with the speech pattern and it was clear that ‘gwain’ was another living being with whom the narrator could breed. Assuming the comma and full stop is a typing error. If it isn’t, that would be irritating!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. I think many of us have been trained to associate this syntax with Yoda, but I believe in reality it matches some existing languages as well as historical ones. I found it distracting at first, but by the end of the piece I was used to it and I think the longer the story the easier it would become.
    Unfamiliar words are always tricky. You need context to help and once a reader gets the wrong end of the stick it’s hard to switch it around. So I’d be inclined to include translation notes (for example as footnotes) on a longer piece. But again, definitely possible for people to read and enjoy reading, a piece in this style.

    Jen

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. First, a tip of the hat to you for what I’m sure has been a lengthy study of the language, word patterns, and history behind this.

    I did not find it annoying–just intriguing. It didn’t take long to fall into the pattern of speech, and I wished I could read the whole story 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Once I read your key, all became clear. Having read Russel Hoban’ Ridley Walker, I think there such writing can be rewarding even in longer form. It can become quite immersive.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  6. I liked it, Neil, and when you mentioned Aşıklı Höyük, I saw where you were going with it. Luckily most Indo-European words are mostly cognates so it’s not as hard as it might be. As someone who likes to try new things, I approve. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. It’s fascinating. The syntax immediately took me into the world of the story and although I had to work a little harder than normal to follow the meaning, that curiosity to follow where it was leading kept me engaged. I love it. (from Margaret)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. I found that the writing style and new words slowed down my reading. I also tend to re-read to grasp the main meaning of what was happening.
     I would find a longer piece difficult to continue reading for any length of time.
    Good luck with this form.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  16. I found your story to be very poetic and understood most of it and enjoyed it. The last paragraph was a little difficult. That required your explanation. I did read it a couple of times and enjoyed it more with each reading.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  18. I also immediately thought of Yoda. That’s the nerd in me. I didn’t find it annoying, but I think it could get there if it’s not broken up by a familiar syntax. I think it could grow exhausting like trying to translate a language one is learning.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  23. The first four lines confused me, but I continued reading and the rest flowed. The unfamiliar words were easy to get with context and there was a certain rhythm to the piece. Overall it has a sense of place and time to it. Well done. Hopefully, the gwain his offer accepts and his line unbroken remains.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a reply to plaridel Cancel reply